Cold comfort

The Mid-West is cold. The Mid-Atlantic is not necessarily cold. It will get cold soon enough. Sometimes during the winter it gets cold, a no-matter-where-you're-from-we-agree-it's-cold; once in a while it gets Cold. Mostly, in the City, it gets let's-stipulate-it's-cold. I believe this is due to the abnormal concatenation of lawyers. I believe that we get all spun up about potential weather on account of the abnormal concatenation of lawyers. If I had a nerf cannon, and I shot it off in my little corner of Cubeland, I could hit four lawyers easily and I don't work in Legal anymore. And every one of them was cold today. But it wasn't as cold as it was in the Mid-West.

Actually, I'm glad. I don't miss frozen feet, or frozen noses, or frozen ears, or frozen teeth. I don't miss deep cold in my bones, that doesn't thaw until May. I don't miss a sullen snow on the ground from November until April. I don't miss fingers that can't grip a pencil. I don't miss dry skin so itchy it seems I'm showering in starch daily. Nope, nope, no sir -- I don't miss it.

If we must live through the grey days, at least our grey days are pretty much limited to February, a thoroughly useless month anyway. It's only there to round out the calendar. February is for starting plants and tax returns.

The Mama has from time to time threatened great bodily harm to my person when broaching the subject of pursuing work in Chicago/Minneapolis/Milwaukee/any place with latitude much further north than say the front yard. No lake effect for her. Can't say that I blame her.

Bring on da hats. Bring on da gloves. Bring on da mufflers. Bring on da wool. Counselor, you may stipulate it's cold all you want. I choose otherwise.